Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
