her vagine was all disorganized.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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