i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
