Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize