hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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