if you like me you must not know who I am
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
