if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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