Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
