Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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