Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
