i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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