I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
