Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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