ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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