you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
