It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
