His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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