You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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