sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
