I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
