Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
