Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
