Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
