I cannot find my penis.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
