I just cut my nipple shaving
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Bring me that man meat
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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