I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
