We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She's the barista slut.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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