the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
