All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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