god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
