lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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