i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
