Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
