hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Randomize
