So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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