arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
