i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
