he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I want her autograph on my taint
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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