we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize