if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
