I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
