You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
