took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
