Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
