ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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