Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
