I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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