would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The power of my boobs compel you
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
