If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
