her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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