you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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