Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
