rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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