Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
