i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
