I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
