I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
