You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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