one word: firstdatebathroomanal
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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