well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
