I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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