All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
