I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
