i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
