I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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