So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
