my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
