It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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