Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
