We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
