OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
