Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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