I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize