walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Randomize
