Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
