Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
